Tag Archive | memory

Miss You

Sweet memories is all I am left with

Emptiness has become my night companion

So many words left unsaid between us

Thousands apologies goes with every tear I drop

My world was you

But you left me crashed with no place to call home

 

 

We had so many plans for us

We had the journey set before us

But somehow you left me in the darkness with the plans you made with God to go away

My knees bruise from kissing the ground in my despair to get answers

My only desire is to just get one last glimpse of your sweet face once more

 

Time is the best doctor, they say

But the days don’t get any better

The echoes of your laughter still haunt me in the mornings

The shadows of the evenings taunt me with every day blanket

 

 

When you said forever I never knew forever had an ending

Every day I find it hard to breath

Though my being wants to despise your departure

I still miss you with each passing day

But I guess you are in a better place.

At night, my eyes close with these questions in my mind;

Are you in the Eastern winds that gently blow the worry from my face?

Are you in the Western rains that softly wash away the pain from my heart?

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Forever You Say

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In my dreams you still sing for me with fire

In reality you stir my agony vessel

Many tears of the dark skies ago we danced under the moon

But now my heart knows all the colours of sadness

You give so much pleasure and pain at once

…Yet you say forever we will be…


Days when you leave me I yearn for you

Yet your presence is like a finger on a loaded gun

Your love is like a death’s kiss that I keep fondling with

You make me alive and still suffocate me

…Yet you say forever we will be…


Someone once told me that someday it will all be over

But all I see is just a different colour

Explaining they may but it doesn’t matter anymore

It is gone but its vicious shadow still lingers on

…Yet you say forever we will be…


Maybe if we had nothing to prove

Then our scars will vanish

The joy is poisonous to our existence

I love you, I hate you

…Yet you say forever we will be…


Angels pay witnesses to the many tears I have shed for you

My anger has aged into lamentation

You breathe life into my fears

So many times I have closed the door behind you

But my secret passion for you always leaves it wide open

…Yet you say forever we will be…


This is the prison we chose for ourselves

Lost in one of the pages in your life story

I can’t love you enough in the distance

“I love you”

I am sorry – I know those are words that put a distance between us

But “I do love you” – No I don’t! I’m sorry

“Forever” you say…

 

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If You Ask Me Who I Am

If you ask me who I am

I will look you in the eyes

And tell you that

I’m the girl you once knew

And I am the woman you don’t know

 

When you ask me who I am

I will tell you my dreams but I wouldn’t let you inside them

I will show you my future and I will say goodbye to you

I will let you lead but I wouldn’t follow



 

When you ask me who I am

I will tell you I am the stranger you hold tenderly in your arms

I will tell you I am your tomorrow that disappeared in your yesterday

I will tell you I am the light that have shadows



 

When you ask me who I am

I will tell you I am everyone and no one

I will show you my scars

But I wouldn’t show you my tears



 

If you ask me who I am

I will tell you I am Me

Yes, I will tell you I am just only Me

So don’t ask me who I am for I will tell you

 

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Down the Memory Lane of My Puppy Love I go

Image Credit: hdwallpapers-3d.com

Image Credit: hdwallpapers-3d.com

A few days ago I saw an old schoolmate of mine. Boy did that take me back to the days when I was still a student – God how I miss those good ol’ days but unfortunately, seeing him actually brought about some bad memories of the ‘young’ love of those days. This guy that I’m talking about once held a knife to my neck because I refused to date him (nope he’s not the tattoo guy) – yep, the dude threatened to cut my neck off if I continued to say no to him. Luckily enough, my best friend happened to be his close friend (no, he wasn’t his best friend anymore coz I had taken over – I don’t share besties with Krazos) so he talked him out of it.

Man, that day, I was more taken aback than scared for these reasons:

1. I knew the guy was interested in me but I wasn’t aware that he was ‘obsessed’ and that desperate;
2. He actually saw him and me as an item – I mean c’mon we had nothing and I mean nothing in common!
3. I don’t know where the heck did the knife come from, I mean we were on our way from school;
4. And lastly, who in their right mind holds a knife to a ‘helpless’ girl?

The funny thing is that, after that incident, I continued to talk to him like nothing had happened. I think because I just thought he was mentally ill. I thought I had seen it all after that incident but hey I had another weirdo waiting in my future because a year later, this guy who had failed his studies and spent his days just lazing around at his parents’ home or being a public nuisance pulled the same stunt on me.
I got to tell you, this time I was very scared.

It was after school and me and some of my schoolmates we walking to our homes. So this guy have been asking me out for some time (I think you know my answer here). So on this day, the dude walked towards our group holding a hunting rifle, and commanded me to stop and me being me; I gave him the look and walked away. He followed us and when he did, my bestie asked him to leave me alone and immediately the guy went berserk and told my friend to get lost.

Everyone hurried away, leaving me with the psycho. He asked me why I was giving him the roundabout and I said, ‘Dude, like I told you a zillion times, I’m gonna say this and I’m gonna say it for the last time and this time I’m going to say it slowly, I don’t want you and will never date you.’ And the next thing, I saw the gun barrel a few inches from my face.

Thank God, my bladder was empty at that time or else I would have flooded the ground I was standing on. My tough-girl attitude disappeared at that moment. The fact that I knew the guy was rowdy made me believe that I was about to become a dead meat!

The first question he asked me was if I was dating that punk. I was furious that he called my best friend a punk; I’m the only one who is allowed to call him that. I mean the dude left me with a mentally deranged douche! He then asked me to repeat what I had said earlier on. Goodness me! I wanted to but the fact that I had a gun barrel a few inches away from my face made me think twice and properly (oh I don’t usually think by the book but one day I promise that when I meet Ms Sanity, I will correctly straighten my twisted thinking lane).

With tears filling his eyes, the guy proclaimed his ‘love’ for me and he didn’t leave it at that – he put a cherry on top (I guess he had to). He told me that if I refused his proposal then he will kill me – to all my entrepreneurial friends who are looking for someone who will sell their products like fat cakes, I recommend this guy, I mean all you have to do is give him a gun and he will ‘convince’ potential clients to buy your products. Goodness me! I knew I was in a fix: if I said yes, then I was going to put my reputation on the line, I mean how were people going to react if they heard that I was dating a douchebag? But also if I said no, then the chances that I was going to worry about my reputation were as slim as a runway model since I was going to be dead. I had to think like a woman; fast and smart! And so I chose my reputation…

As sincerely as I could fake it, I told the guy that the truth was I really liked him but I couldn’t go out with him because I had my studies to worry about (I was writing my final in about a few weeks’ time). I made a promise that once I finish writing my exams, we could date (hey some promises I meant to be broken!). The dude believed me! I mean he actually believed the lies I fed him! He told me that he knew that I was mad about him (I mean are you kidding me!!?), I just needed a little bit of guidance; he claimed to know that all my friends were misguiding me because they were jealous of ‘us’ (Gosh! I just died from hearing that). Before he let me go, he wished me the best on my studies and told me he will be waiting for me…

I found the group waiting for me not far from where my ‘true love’ and I were deciding our fate. The first thing that my bestie did was to laugh – I mean the boy laughed so hard I thought of going back and borrow ‘our family’ rifle! I guess that’s the down-side of being friends with boys – and that’s what I love the most – the wysiwyg factor, ain’t no melodrama with ‘em boys!

Nope, after writing my exams I never got anywhere near that psycho!

Wait a second, I think I was supposed to have reported both incidents at home… well, it never crossed my mind thus, until a few minutes ago… Like I told you, I’m about to meet Ms Sanity)…

Lov’yal…

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