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Say Goodbye to this

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Don’t you want to stay a little while longer?

Don’t you want to hold me for a little while?

I don’t want to say goodbye to this

I need you here with me

 

We can make a world of our own

Where your breathe is mine and mine, yours

Where we only need one heart to survive

I need you to need me like I do you

 

To the world, I’m blind

But we both know my eyes see only you

You are fire to my winter

A cool breeze to my blazing sun

 

I’m your true love – you just don’t know it yet

I’m the mother of your unborn children

The only person you are going to look forward to argue with

Just so you can have the fired up make-up love-making scenes

 

Honey, I’m that kind of girl you take home to meet your mama

And my mould doesn’t come twice

This luck doesn’t hit you twice in your lifetime

So what do you say to me wearing your big t-shirt every morning?

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A Mother’s Nightmare

She stood ash faced as the casket took him six feet under

She wished the pieces could have landed in different places

But she believed it was destiny

Her Mama always told her, “When Destiny decides your fate, you never argue with her.”

Somehow deep inside, she wished she had put a fight against this Destiny being

Then maybe, just maybe her son will still be breathing this air


She looked at all the ‘mourners’ who have come to pay their last ‘respect’ to the deceased

A storm of emotions rose within her

She knew most of them came to confirm that indeed he was dead

For everyone standing around his grave will not spend a nickel-worth of respect to this Dead

They did not know him as much as she did – before…

Before he got possessed by bad spirits

He was once a good-natured, kind child


This morning she saw that sweet child he once was

As he rested down in the coffer

She was happy that financial-wise, she did not hold back in making sure that he looked respectable

The grey designer suit she bought him suited him so much

That hope was placed in her heart as she expected to see him opening his eyes at that moment

But a she planted a kiss in his cold cheek; she knew that the only journey left to their final meeting place was hers


As she threw a handful of dirty or ‘dust to dust’ as the holy man called it

She heard the distinctive sound of the siren announcing the arrival of new guests

She counted three policemen as they make their way to the mourners

She held her breath and nodded

She was ready


You see, a parent burying a child is never a good sight

But a mother burying a child who died by her own hands is every parent’s worst nightmare ever

As the police led her away, she knew by then that no one will ever understand

They wouldn’t understand why she did it

But she had to do it – to guarantee a place in Heaven for her wayward child

Yes, that’s how much she loved the child she brought to this appalling earth

Did they think it was easy to pull that trigger?

She cast her eyes to the heavens as she said a short prayer for the souls her son and his gang took forceful from this earth

The last prayer she said was for her son – may the One above keep him safe until tonight

Yes, tonight she will reunite with her real son

The son she carried in her womb

Not the monster that greedily took from the poor,

The monster that left so many homes widowed and fatherless

The monster that she took down with three bullets

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Exiled Mind

I woke up this morning thinking how bad my life was

Oh the things I could change if I had choice

My bed needed new sheets

I didn’t like the taste of my coffee

I hated my job

The coat didn’t match the colour of my eyes

I could go on about how unfair life was

Till I saw her

 


With one child on her back and one holding to the helm of her skirt for dear life

As she rushed pass me

Tears of regrets and years of bad choices running down her beautiful face

Her tiny feet had dried up rivers going all places

The lines on her face betrayed the beauty she once was

Her ashen face deceived those it can about her time in this earth

The shoes on her feet were one with the dust beneath her soles

They had all their earthly belongs on their backs

 


She stared straight through my soul with her probing eyes

Silently she questioned my ungratefulness

And with shame, I walked away…

Lovemaking and Warmaking

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As he whispered my name into my ears

I was lost to this world

His hands moved slowly from my tiny waists

Smoothly climbing up to my erect two towers

As I slowly moaned

He pulled my hair with his strong hand

And planted his wet lips unto my trembling ones

He slowly lifted my chin and

He said, ‘Be mine for the rest of my life.’

I replied, ‘Isn’t this the rest of our lives?’

‘I love you girl’ he declared

And I was in heaven

He took his time to massage my soft, velvet brown skin with the scented soap

As I drown in the shower rain

The passion was our meal

No one owned us

Ours was love of hunger

Love so exclusive, love so obsessive

Love so sweet, disturbing and dark

 

I was a bad thing to him

He looked good to me

As we set each other’s world on fire

My small hands dug their way into his flesh as

I welcomed his bite on my neck with delight

He leisurely laid me down on the hard floor

Tightening the scarf on my wrists

He quenched all my sensual needs with physical pain in the right places

A slow and fast-paced love we gave to one another

Our worlds collided and we couldn’t stop this thing we had started

We’d lost control and we loved every bit of it

 

My body, my heart yearned for him

As he teased me with his skilful tongue

He communicates well with all parts of my body

He owned me – he possessed my being

As I felt free in this out of the ordinary time

The only time my mind allowed another being

To completely tame it!

It’s Not Goodbye…

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All words lost between us

I could pretend that everything is alright

I could turn my eyes from your lies

If only to hold you close for a little while

I hate knowing the truth

How do I stop loving you?

How can I make you love me again?


 

 

I know you have chosen her over me

But the truth is

Her smile belongs to me

Her laughter should find its home in my heart

Her nights besides you are my nights

Her reality is my dream

How do I stop loving you?

How can I make you love me again?


 

As the night waves us goodbye

My heart sinks in

As I know the kiss of the first sunray

Brings with it your goodbye

Maybe you will stay one more night

Maybe you will love me once again

How do I stop loving you?

How can I make you love me again?


 

I will always be here if your heart ever

Needs home

I knew from the start your love was a lie

But it was a lie I was prepared to live with

But your packed suitcase exposes the truth

How do I stop loving you?

How can I make you love me again?


 

I don’t believed in miracles

But now as I watch your love fades away

I keep hoping for one

The pain is too much to carry

You are my fairy-tale

Only your love will set me free

From the anguish I’m going through

How do I stop loving you?

How can I make you love me again?


 

My friends keep on telling me

You’re wrong for me

They say I deserve better

But you’re all I crave

The pain of loving someone

Who keeps on rejecting you was never my intention

I refuse to let you go

Forget the give and take – I’m willing to just give!

How do I stop loving you?

How can I make you love me again?


 

You say the touch of bodies is not enough

Love is more than lovemaking

And I thought our steamy episodes were all for making love

For creating love

You say love is two souls that connect

But why should it be her soul?

How do I stop loving you?

How can I make you love me again?


 

I hope she loves you the way I do

I hope she lets your body to rhyme with hers whenever

Your desire arises

But for tonight I just want us to be one

My flesh to your flesh

My desire to your desire

My need to your need

Soul to soul

So tell me, how do I say goodbye to you?

How do I stop hoping?

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The Tapu Love

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With a smile not worth mentioning

I beckon you to my presence

Like a fallen angel that you are

You surrender to my calling

You’re my addiction and I, yours

Yet you’re my saving grace


Like a haunted house with broken windows

Your soul lies open for the taking

With malice as the floor of my heart

I possess your inner being

Yet you’re the light at the end of the tunnel


Your wounds are my possessions

Your tears are my drinking fountain

You placed a paradise in my sight

And with diligence, I turned it into a dark forest

Yet you’re my moonlight


At daylight, I curse your name

Yet yearn for your touch at dawn

Believing my false words, you fell in love with deceit in the form of Me

My cold eyes stalk your every  move

Yet you’re my church in the mist of it all


Your sorrow drains my compassion and yet allures me

Plunged into the desire that burns our inner beings we resign ourselves to this banned love

My happiness equals your chains

And your freedom means my dismal

Yet you’re a sweet dream after so many nightmares


As I dance in the rain of burning sulphur

Your shadow painfully teases my naked groins

My imaginary reality befriends the beast of love

Setting your heart on fire

My laughter welcomes your faded star

But still, you’re my sunshine after the storm

 

 

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Definition of Beauty – Subjective or Relative

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What is beauty?

Is it universal? Can beauty be measured? If it is measured, how does one measure it?

Is the length of your hair? The texture of your hair? The size of your eyes? The colour of your eyes? The tiny waist? The size of the breast? How skinny one is? The size of the bums? The expensive weaves we don on our heads? The wrinkle-less face? The ‘secret’ and never-to-be-mentioned monthly botox injections? The skin complexion?

“Beauty itself is but the sensible image of the infinite”

 – George Bancroft (American historian)

According to the online Cambridge Dictionary, beauty is “the quality of being pleasing, especially to look at, or someone or something that gives great pleasure, especially when you look at it.” and “a quality that makes something especially good or attractive.”

India Arie put the body image issue in a more clear picture in her song, I am not my hair:

I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations no no
I am not my hair
I am not this skin

Good hair means curls and waves
Bad hair means you look like a slave
At the turn of the century
Its time for us to redefine who we be
You can shave it off
Like a South African beauty
Or get in on lock
Like Bob Marley
You can rock it straight
Like Oprah Winfrey
If its not what’s on your head
Its what’s underneath

Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person?
Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend? Oh
Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity?

Do we judge other’s beauty based on how we relate with ourselves? Do we justify who we are by judging the physical appearance of others? Do we hide our weaknesses by being harsh to those who are not beautiful in our eyes? Are there not bigger issues that we can spend our energies on; terrorism, hunger, wars etc?

The tradition has always had people defining beauty with regards to the physical appearance of the object, with women, it is usually with how their bodies are shaped or any attribute that is found in their body parts. It seems like body image has more influence in defining the beauty of a woman than her intelligence or the kind of person she is.

The interpretation of beauty usually leads to comparison among the objects or people involved.

The need by many women to look beautiful has resulted in intense competition which usually leads to resentment, envy and frustration. Women around the world go out of their way to achieve what they believe will make them beautiful; because of the belief that light-skinned black girls (usually referred to as yellow-bones) are beautiful, many black young women in Sub-Saharan countries use skin lighten products to lighten their skins; in certain Asian countries, a pale, white skin is deem to be attractive and women usually apply skin-lighten products to bleach themselves. In the Western culture, women prefer their faces wrinkle-free, tanned skin, and long, silky hair (usually in the form of weaves or wigs).

Other people define beauty in simple terms; take for instance, the Karo tribe of Ethiopia, the more body scars a woman has, the more attractive she is or the Kenya’s Maasai tribe who find shaved heads and long, stretched earlobes (both men and women wear metal hoops on their stretched earlobes) attractive.

When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. Tao Te Ching

Society has planted and watered the distorted body image and has set rules for what is deemed beautiful and what is not. Hollywood celebrities and the media has not made it easy for women across the globe with this issue – one moment the media will celebrate a certain celebrity as the ‘IT Girl’ and the most ‘beautiful’ woman because she has ticked all the boxes in their physical body image requirement and the next they move and replace her with their latest ‘victim’, it has also lied to the society through their use of Photoshop. The media has even gone to the extend of ‘body-shaming’ other celebrities that they deem their physical appearance to not attractive enough. Reality stars, singers, actors and other celebrities are secretly filling up cosmetic surgeons’ labs in order to reshape their body parts to fit into the ‘required’ looks and most of them even go to the extent of lying to their followers by telling them that they are au naturel which  fuels and heightens the feeling of low self-esteem and insecurity in most of these unassuming women and girls.

Women need to know that we are all different and there’s no need to ever feel insecure about their looks and that beauty is a simply a matter of individual perception or illusion. We all need to embrace our diversity and believe that beauty is subjective (or relative?) and as such, all sizes and shapes are beautiful and attractive.

We are not our bodies but our bodies hold within the real us – they beauty of a being is in how they carry themselves.