Archive | May 2015

Paul Orajiaka’s Auldon Toys: Africa’s Future Toy Making Giant?

Paul Orajiaka’s Auldon Toys: Africa’s Future Toy Making Giant?.

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I Don’t Mean No Disrespect But…

Image Credit: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net

Image Credit: publicdomainpictures.net

How come whenever people are about to disrespect you they use that line? No, I mean really, why? I think it is very wrong to do that.

Listen, if you going to disrespect me and you give me that line first then I’m going to put you on the list. Yes the list – I betcha you want to know about it, well, nah I ain’t saying a thing because I promised someone that I wouldn’t do that. It’s a secret. I promised the person called Me that I wouldn’t say – hey I wasn’t born a snitcher so I don’t snitch.

So the thing is, I feel that people shouldn’t use that line if they know that they’re going to disrespect you. Listen, I can be ok with one doing me one wrong at time and not two – nope I refuse that! I mean the person knows that they are going to disrespect me and they do so by first lying to me! I don’t mean no disrespect my head – go play somewhere else!

Had an interesting phone conversation with my former-best-friend-forever aka former-close-friend aka former-friend aka currently-an-acquaintance and in the middle of the conversation she used the D-phrase on me:

Me: Hello?

Former BFF: Hey gal

Me: Hey back

Former BFF: OMG! Don’t tell me you don’t know whom you’re talking to?

Me: I was gonna tell you that but since you told me not to say that then I wouldn’t.

Former BFF: Hey, so nowadays you’re full of yourself, you don’t even recognise my voice. I mean I know you’ve always been full of crap but full of yourself it’s a first.

Me: Oh my! Gladness* (Name have been changed to protect the innocent – that’s me of course. No, the gal ain’t innocent!)

Former BFF: Me and only!

Me: What happened to your voice?

Former BFF: Flu is what happened to it. So are you telling me you don’t have my number on your phone?

Me: You didn’t get my SMS?

sms

Image credit: publicdomainpictures.net . Words are the author’s

Former BFF: That rubbish? I thought you were joking…

Silence

Former BFF (continues): OMG! (Now I don’t get someone who says OMG in abbreviation and slowly for that matter when she’s surprised) So you were not joking?

Me: Nope.

Former BFF: OMG girlfriend you’re so cold. Good heavens, you still have that thing of just broadcasting stupid stuff running loosely in your mind!?

Me: So we are back to being good friends?

Former BFF: Not yet…

Me: So what do you want?

(a deafen sound explode on my ear)

Me (continues): Gladness, for goodness’ sake stop blasting that gum on my ear and may you please chew it properly! This is the 21st century, be civilised. (ok, I admit I love gums but as for this former friend of mine, her purpose in life is to chew gums and screw up my life whenever she comes back in it.)

Former BFF: Still a prick I see.

Me: Don’t roll your eyes at me.

Former BFF: I’m not!

Silence

Former BFF (continues): Goodness gal, how do you know I was doing that.

Me: We might not be best friends anymore but I still know you. You know I know you better than you know yourself! Anyways I thought you saved the word ‘prick’ for all your supposedly bastard exes!?

Former BFF: Well, you’re my ex bff so you fall under the list.

Me: When you decide to grow up that’s when you can reapply to be my bff again.

Former BFF: I mean no disrespect but you know you’ve been such a mofo!

Me: Wow…Wow (whenever I say wow slowly it means lot of unpleasant stuff like when I’m disappointed, hustled up, worked up, when I’m being sarcastic and right now I’m pissed off). You of people know how much I hate the D phrase and you just used it one me! I’m going to hang up (I have this thing of telling people that I’m having an unpleasant phone conversation with that I’m gonna hang up – I mean I think it’s only polite to let them know so you don’t leave them hanging. Yeah, I know, I’m good like that).

Former BFF: No wait… sorry I said I wasn’t disrespecting you but you’re still a bad egg.

Me: That’s much better so what do you want coz I know you remember me whenever you need something.

Former BFF: C’mon love, you know you are my sista, you’re my homie. I was just checking on you.

Me: That’s a first!

Former BFF: What do you mean that’s a first!? You know you really know how to drive people nuts – I mean you’ve that talent! It’s like you get paid for being a sod!

Me: And you called me still…

Former BFF: You know if I didn’t need a favour from you I wouldn’t have bothered to call you.

Me: Now we’re getting there, so what do you want?

Former BFF: Well tlhemma level me up.

Me: No, forget it, Gladness! Nope! No!

Former BFF: Please…

Me: Listen, I don’t have problem with levelling you up, no I don’t! I just have a problem with the fact that you’re simply an abyss so there is no filling you up let alone levelling you up.

Former BFF: Tlhemma tsala yame (please my friend).

Me: So we’re friends again?

Former BFF: No, not yet – not now, I’m not planning on being boring like you… you know, I’m still with the living. You’ve too many requirements for ‘friendship’. Being friends with you is like watching a serio-comic and trying not to laugh (hey don’t listen to her, I’m not that boring).

Me: No I don’t… What I did was simply asking you to grow up. Stop…

Former BFF: Looking who is talking – a member of a park church.

Darn she still calls me that. The thing is years ago, I was passing by a local recreation park (in Francistown Minestone – some of you know it) on my way to check on one of my gals and I saw a group of Rastafarians holding a meeting there. I did what I knew best – I made an impulsive decision and I walked up to them. Asked what they were doing and when they told me they were Rastafarian society and I was welcomed to join and without hesitation I put my name down (I was already enjoying their special baked cake anyway and I had dreadlocks so I fitted in). Anyways, it’s a story for another day….

Former BFF(continues): You used to be funny, you used to be spontaneous, you used to know how to live life. What happened to you?

Me: I grew up. You know that part where you leave childish things behind and you become responsible for your actions?

Former BFF: You mean you became boring! I’m sorry girl but I ain’t allowing humdrums in my life now but don’t worry once I cease to exist I will be your bff again.

Me: Wow (slowly) that’s nice to hear.

Former BFF: You’re being sarcastic. So are you gonna lend me the money?

Me: You mean give you – you never pay back the money you borrow!

Former BFF: Yah, I don’t but still are you gonna lend me?

Me: How much?

Former BFF: P300.

Me: Nope.

Former BFF: So why did you ask if you knew you weren’t gonna give.

Me: I just wanted to know how deep you are. Please Gladness, please you gotta stop it.

Former BFF: I stopped… long time… I just need the money to get my womanly things you know.

Me: Stop that!

*This is where the conversation get serious*

Former BFF: YOU SEE I CAN’T BE FRIENDS WITH YOU GOODY TWO SHOES!

Me: They’ve taken control of you now. Please Gladness please you gotta stop it. You know I love you and I will always be here for you.

Former BFF: Sometimes I just hate you!

She hanged up on me! The girl has the audacity to hanging up on me…. I still love her though.

Lov’yal…

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